The Wizard of Oz: Yu yu Style! In Four Acts
by Sahna
Summary: PRODUCT OF INSANITY!A new take on an old classic. No pairings. Warnings: Insanity, much OOCness
1. Act 1

This is what happens when I go away to Hawaii with friends for a long period of time. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu yu Hakusho or the Wizard of Oz

Cast (in order of appearance)  


Auntie Em: Minamino, Shioir

Dorothy: Kurama

Toto: Puu

Munchkins: Yukimura, Keiko

Wicked Witch of the East: Kuronue

Glinda the Good: Botan

Wicked Witch of the West: Karasu

Scarecrow: Urameshi, Yusuke

Tin man: Jaganshi, Hiei

Cowardly Lion: Kuwabara, Kazuma

Gatekeeper: George the Ogre

Wizard: Koenma

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**Act 1**

Scene 1: The Earthquake

Shiori: Suichi! Suichi! Come inside! There's an earthquake coming! We need to go down to the cellar! Hurry!

Kurama: Coming, Auntie Shiori! (turns to Puu) C'mon Puu. Lets go inside.

Puu: Puu!

(They start to head back to the house. The earthquake strikes, and the ground opens up below Kurama and Puu. They fall, and the ground closes again.)

Shiori: SUICHIIIIII!!!!

---------------------------

Scene 2: Botan the Good and the Keikos

Kurama: (regaining conciousness) Oooowwww. . . Where am I? (Looks around) Where're Puu and Auntie Shiori!?

Puu: (dazed) Puu-uuu-uu . . ?

Voices: (singing) DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD, THE WITCH IS DEAD, THE WITCH IS DEAD! DING DONG THE WICKED WITCH IS DEEEAAAD!!

Kurama: (looks around at all the chibi-style Keikos) Who are you!? Who's dead? What's going on?! (very very confused)

Keiko 1: The Wicked Witch of the East!!

Kurama: (noticing the body he's sitting on) Oh dear!! I didn't mean to kill anyone! (starts crying.)

Keikos: (singing their song)

Keiko 2: Oh! Look! It's Botan the Good!

Keikos: YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!

Botan: (flies down on oar) BINGO! YOU WIN THE PRIZE!!!!

Kurama: Wha-what prize? And why is your hair blue? And why are you sitting on a floating oar?!

Botan: All in good time, my boy. All in good time. But congratulations for killing Kuronue.

Kurama: . . .who?

Botan: (sighs) Kuronue, the Wicked Witch of the East! He's been terrorizing Keikoland and all of east Oz for thirteen years now, and his reign of terror has finally ended!!

Kurama: (looks at Puu) Oh Puu, I don't think we're in Japan anymore. . .

Botan: (looking offended) Most certainly not! You're in Oz!

Kurama: (stamps foot) I don't care where I am! I want to go home to Auntie Shiori! (starts crying again)

Botan: I'm afraid I do not have the power to send you home. But I know of someone who does!

Kurama: Who? Tell me!

Botan: Why, the Wizard of course! He can do anything!

Keikos: Ooooohh! Aaaaaah!

Kurama: Then I shall find this wizard and return home!

Botan: Wait! Kurama! Take this. (removes the pendant from the Wicked Witch's neck.) Take this with you. It will protect you from any serious danger.

(Wicked Witch of the West music starts)

Karasu: Booooooottttttaaaaaaaaaan!!!!

Keikos: Oh no! It's him! The Wicked Witch of the West! Run! Ruuunnnn!!

Karasu: (lands in front of Botan and Kurama) YOU!!

Kurama: Me?

Karasu: YOU KILLED MY BROTHER!!

Kurama: Oh, please, Mr. Witch!! It was an accident! I swear!!

Karasu: YOU KILLED MY BROTHER!!!

Botan: Yes, you've established that.

Karasu: (still shrieking) GIVE ME THE PENDANT! IT'S MIIIIIIINE!!! THE PRECIOUS IS MIIIINE!!

Botan: No it's this young man's. He needs it more than you do! (Puts pendant around Kurama's neck)

Karasu: IT'S MIIINE!!! IT WAS MY BROTHER'S AND NOW IT'S MIIIINE!

Botan: (Chases Karasu with oar) Go away, you creepy brute!

Kurama: (to the Keikos) Which way to the Wizard?

Keiko 3: Just follow the yellow-brick road to Spirit World!!

Kurama: Thank you! And good-bye!!

Keikos: (singing) Heeeeeeeeee's of to see the wizard! The wonderful Wizard of Oz!!


	2. Act 2

Here's the 2nd installment.

Disclaimer: I still don't own. Don't sue me.

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**ACT 2**

Scene 1: Enter the Scarecrow

Kurama: (humming to himself) I'm of to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz!!

Puu: (in same tune) puu puu puu puu puu puu puuuuuuuuu. . .. puu puu puu puu puu puu puu!

Voice: Hey!

Kurama: Who said that?

Voice: I did! Over here!

Kurama: Over where?

Voice: Over here! The scareccrow, dammit!

Kurama: (looks at scarecrow) Are you. . . talking?!

Scarecrow: Wha's the matter? Never seen a talkin' scarecrow before? Help me off this pole, please!

Kurama: Actually, no. I haven't seen a talking scarecrow before. (Lifts down from pole) Do you have a name?

Scarecrow: Name's Yusuke. Pleased ta meatcher, I'm sure. (Pouts)

Kurama: What's wrong, Mr. Yusuke?

Yusuke: I don't have a brain. . .

Kurama: Oh. Well, Puu and I are going to Spirit World to see if the Wizard of Oz can send us back home to Japan. Maybe he could give you a brain, too?

Yusuke: Really? Awsome, I'm in! (Tries to walk, but falls flat on his face) Eheh.. Maybe I'd better learn how to walk first. . .

Kurama: Why, it's simple! Put one foot in front of the other, and follow the yellow brick road!!

(They link arms and skip on down the road)

Yusuke and Kurama: Weeeeeee're off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz!

Puu: Puu!

------------------

Scene 2: Enter the Tin Man

(Kurama and Yusuke continue to skip down the yellow-brick road, singing). . . beeeeeecause of the wonderful things he does!!

Voice: Hn. Will you two morons shut up?

(Kurama and Yusuke freeze)

Kurama: Wha-what was that?

Yusuke: It came from over there! (points)

Kurama: What d'you suppose we should do?

Yusuke: (turns around) Go over here!

Kurama: No! (grabs his arm) Let's go see who it is!

(they follow the sound of the voice until they reach a clearing)

Yusuke: Look! Over there!

Tin man: (Rusted in place) Oh, great. It's Dumb and Dumber.

Kurama: (huffs) Well that wasn't very nice!

Yusuke: It's a talking tin can! What's this world coming to!?

Tin man: (Glares) Look who's calling the kettle black, scarecrow!

Kurama: (interupts) Mr. Tin man, why are you just standing there?

Tin man: Because I got caught out in the rain and rusted here. What, did you think I liked standing here all day? And my name is Hiei, not 'Mr Tin man'.

Kurama: Well, um, Hiei, if you tell us how, I'm sure we can help you.

Hiei: Hn. I don't need your help. You two fools would only make it worse!

Yusuke: Well, in that case, let's go, Kurama.

Kurama: Wait. If you're made of tin, then that means oil will unrust you. (spots a house) Is that your house over there, Mr. Hiei?

Hiei: Wouldn't you like to know? And don't call me 'Mr'.

Kurama: (Goes into house and fetches the oil can.) Hold still.

Hiei: Very funny. I told you, I don't need your help!!

Kurama: (finishes oiling) You're not a very nice person, are you, Mr. Hiei?

Hiei: (flexing his limbs) I have no heart. How can I be nice!!

Kurama: How come you don't have a heart?

Hiei: (Rolls his eyes) Because I'm made out of tin, you fool.

Kurama: Why?

Hiei: Long story.

Kurama: Lies down in the grass and props his head on his hands) Oh I love a good story! Do tell!

Hiei: Fine. I was-and still am- the best swordsman in all of Oz. I had a heart, and I was engaged to the most beautiful woman in the world. I loved her dearly. But then one day I accidentally killed one of the Wicked Witch of the West's precious Trace Eyes, and that bastard put a curse on me. The next time I sparred, my sword slipped and cut off my left leg. Fortunately, my sparring partner was an expert tinsmith and immediatly replaced it with tin. But then, my sword slipped again and cut off my right leg. I had that replaced wit tin as well. And so it continued: every time I drew my sword, I lost one body part. But when my chest was lost, the tinsmith could find no way to give me a heart. So I turned into who I am now, and my fiance left, saying she'd return once I could love again.

Kurama: (eyes are tearing) Oh, Mr. Hiei! What a sad tale!!

Hiei: DON'T CALL ME 'MISTER'!!

Kurama: Why don't youcome with us to the wizard of Oz? He might be able to give you a heart!

Hiei: (raises an eyebrow) You two buffoons are going to Spirit World? Well, I'd better go with you, then. You'll be wolf meat in no time without someone who can fight.

Yusuke: Haha! I have a heart and you don't!!

Hiei: Yes, but you're also a brainless oaf.

Yusuke: Oh, yeah. I forgot about that!

Kurama: Care to join us, Hiei?

Hiei: Join you in what, exactly?

Kurama and Yusuke: Weeeeee're off to see the wizard!

Hiei: (Rolls eyes and says flatly) The wonderful Wizard of Oz.

Puu: Puu!!

------------------------

Scene 3: Enter the Cowardly Lion

Kurama: (humming)

Hiei: Shut up, you dolt. You'll attract unwanted attention.

Yusuke: Relax. What's gonna attack us? A lion? A tiger? Or maybe a bear!!

Hiei: Actually, any one of those three could. We're arriving at the forest, where many dangerous beasts lurk in the shadows, waiting to prey on innocent travelers.

Kurama: Lions. . . and tigers. . .and bears!! Oh my!

Yusuke: Lions and tigers and bears! Oh my!

Kurama: Lions 'n' tigers 'n' bears!! Oh my!!

Yusuke: Lionsntigersnbears!! Oh my!

Kurama and Yusuke: Lionsntigersnbearsohmy! Lionsntigersnbearsohmy! Lionsntigersnbearsohmy!! Lionsn-

Hiei: Shut UP! God damn!!

(The three adventures hear a growl and freeze)

Yusuke: Wha-what was that?

Kurama: A lion? A tiger? A bear? Oh my?

(Growl is heard again)

Hiei: (draws sword) Whatever you are, come here and fight!

(Big reddish blur springs out from bushes and lunges at Puu) WROOOOOAAAAR!!

Puu: Puuuuuuuu! (flies frantically around Kurama's waist. Orange thing follows)

Kurama: (grabs Puu and sticks out his foot. The beast trips. It is revealed to be a big lion)

You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Mr. Lion!! Attacking a small defenceless Spirit Beast like Puu! What did he ever do to you!? (Slaps lion across face) You coward!!

Lion: (Starts to cry) WAAAHHHH!! Make her stop!! Make the mean little girl stop!! She hurt meeee!! WAAAHH!!

Kurama: Oh you big baby!! Stop crying and look at me. LOOK AT ME!!

Lion: meep. . .yes sir!!

Kurama: Now. Explain yourself.

Lion: I'm Kuwabara the Cowardly Lion. I'm sorry. I was just trying to scare you. . .

Hiei: Hn. That much is obvious.

Kuwabara: Hey shut up, shorty!!

Hiei: (brandishes sword) Wanna say that again, pussy cat?

Kuwabara: (Hides behind Kurama) No. . .

Hiei: Hn. That's what I thought!

Kuwabara: Why are you three in these woods? They're dangerous!! The Wicked Witch of the West's minions all live here, you know?

Yusuke: Minions? You mean like lions? And tigers? And bears?

Kuwabara: No. . .more like Trace Eyes and Mad Bombs and Random Exploding Objects.

Kurama: Oh my!!

Kuwabara: (has scared himself with descriptions of the minions) Now I'm scared. . .can I come with you? Please?

Hiei: Absolutely not.

Kuwabara: (drops to his knees and begs Kurama) Please oh please don't leave me here all alone in these big scary woods!! Please let me come with you!!! I promise I'll be good!!

Kurama: Oh all right. Just leave Puu alone, you hear?

Kuwabara: Yes! Oh yes! Thank you!! (kisses Kurama's feet)

Yusuke: Alright that's enough. Let's go, big guy. (Hauls Kuwabara to his feet) We're going to see the wizard, by the way. Who knows, maybe he can give you some courage.

Kuwabara: Gee, you think so? Golly, I'm sure glad I met up with you people!!

All: (singing) Weeee're off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz!! We hear he is a wonderful wizard as ever a wiz there was, as ever a wonderful wiz there was because because because because becaaaauuuse. . .beeeeecause of the wonderful things he does!! Oh we're off to see the wizaaaard! The wonderful Wizard of Ooozzzzz!!


	3. Act 3

**Act 3**

Scene 1: The Poppy Field

Karasu: (looking into a crystal ball depicting the four travelers) These four idiots are really beginning to bug me. How did they get through my forest unscathed like that? Hn! When I finally get my hands on that pendant, I will have all the power in Oz! But how... How do I get them to lower their defenses? Hmm...I could make them fall asleep... (An evil grin spreads across face) Of course... the poppy field!! (evil cackling ensues)

(Kurama, Yusuke, Hiei, and Kuwabara emerge from the woods and find themselves on the edge of a field of poppies.)

Kurama: Oh, look! (Points) There's the Makai! Oh hooray!!

Hiei: (starts crossing the poppy field)

Kurama: Oh Hiei, do wait up! (runs after)

(they walk halfway through the field before Kurama starts to get drowsy)

Kurama: (yawning) Can't go--any further. Too---sleepy. . . (sinks to ground and falls asleep)

Hiei: What? Hey, wake up, Kurama. This is no time to sleep!

Kuwabara: AAAAAGGGHHH OH MY GOSH WHAT SHOULD WE DO!? (starts frantically shaking Kurama) WAKE UP!! WAKE UP!! WAke up! Wake----up.. . . . (falls asleep as well)

Hiei: What the hell? What's going on?

Yusuke: They've been drugged!! (starts yelling for help)

Hiei: You fool! This is a spell!! A trap! Don't call attention to the fact that we've been caught! Let's just keep going. It's their problem anyway.

Yusuke: (ignores Hiei and keeps yelling for help)

Karasu: (watching in crystal ball) Yell all you like you fool. No one can help you now! (Summons some random winged minions) Fetch me the pendant!!

Hiei: (Watches in amazement as Botan appears and makes it start snowing.)

Yusuke: Hey! What the hell?

Kurama: (Wakes up) Oh my! What strange weather we're having!! (looks around) Puu? Where's Puu? Puuu!! Puuuu!!

Puu: (muffled response)

Kurama: Oh dear! (pulls Puu out of a snowdrift)

(snow suddenly stops)

Kuwabara: L-let's keep g-g-going before anything else happens!

Kurama: Oh yes!

Karasu: (cursing in rage and blowing random stuff up) Damn it all to hell! Someone's always helping them!! I WILL have that pendant. I WILL have what is rightfully mine. And I WILL have my revenge!! (starts laughing evilly) MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! THE PRECIOUS WILL BE MINE!!!

(Flies to Makai)

--------------------------

Scene 2: Makai

(Kurama and co. arrive at the gates of Makai. Kurama rings the bell several times before anyone appears)

Gatekeeper: What are you all doing here?

Kurama: We came to see the wizard.

Gatekeeper: (laughs) The wizard?! No one has EVER seen the wizard!

Hiei: (snorts) Well why the hell not?

Gatekeeper: (taken off gaurd) Well. . . I . . .uh. . . Oh go away!! You're wasting my time!

Kurama: Now you hold on just a second!! I've been sent by the Good Witch of the North to see the wizard!

Gatekeeper: Oh yeah? Prove it!

Kurama: (Pulls out the pendant)

Gatekeeper: Oh! Well then, why dintcha say so in the first place, huh? Come in come in. My name's George, by the way. I'm the Gatekeeper!

Hiei: So we've gathered.

Shrill voice: KUUUURAAAAMAAAA!!!

(Kurama and co. jump and look wildly around. They look up at the sky. (Letters begin to form, spelling: S-U-R-R-E-N-D-E-R T-H-E P-E-N-D-A-N-T O-R B-E D-E-S-T-R-O-Y-E-D W.W.W)

Makai citizens: (speculating) Who's Kurama? What's the pendant? The wizard will know! The wizard will know!!

Kurama: Oh dear!! We must get to the Wizard and ask for his help immediately!

(they run up to the gate of the palace)

Gaurd: (blocking their way) Where do you four think you're going?

Hiei: Hn. The Wizard.

Gaurd: I don't think so. Now run along home. The Wizard is busy with this whole Witch business and whoever this "Kurama" fellow is--

Kurama: But I'M Kurama!

Gaurd: Oh I'm SO sure you're the REAL Kurama! What would a-- (gets cut off by Hiei)

Hiei: If you don't move and let us through right now I'll slice you to ribbons..."

Gaurd: (opens door)

Kurama: Thank you, Hiei.

Hiei: Hn.

(the four enter the hall and a voice rings out)

Oz: WHO DARES ENTER MY PALACE!?

(Everyone jumps, Kuwabara, cowers in fear, Puu hides in Kurama's hair)

Kurama: Please--your--wizard-ness. . . My name is Kurama and I--

Oz: SILENCE! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK IN MY PRESENCE WITHOUT PERMISSION!

Hiei: But you asked us a question. Normally, one responds to ques--

Oz: ENOUGH!! THE REDHEADED ONE MAY SPEAK, AND ONLY HIM!

Kurama: (shaking) Please... my name is Kurama and I was wondering if you would help me and Puu return home to Japan and my Auntie Shiori. . . And Yusuke the Scarecrow would like some brains and Hiei the Tinman wants a Heart and Kuwabara the Cowardly Lion wants courge. Oh please won't you help us?

Oz: SILENCE!! LION!!

Kuwabara: (faints dead away)

Kurama: (scolding) You ought to be ashamed of yourself!! Scaring him like that! And to think he came to you for hel--

Oz: SILENCE!! THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ HAS EVERY INTENTION OF GRANTING YOUR REQUESTS!!

Kuwabara: (wakes up) Huh? Wha?

Yusuke: He--he does? I mean, you do?

Oz: YES. IF AND ONLY IF YOU KILL THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST AND BRING ME HIS BROOMSTICH AS PROOF!!

Yusuke: But-- But what if he kills us first?

Kurama: Oh, but we couldn't!! I mean, he's never really done me any harm--

Oz: IF YOU WANT TO RETURN TO JAPAN, THEN YOU SHALL KILL HIM. NOW GO!!

Kurama: But I--

Oz: I SAID GO!!!!!!!!

Kuwabara: (screams and runs outside. The others follow.)

-----------------------

Scene 3: The Witch's Castle

Hiei: Hn. We're in enemy territory now. You all need something to defend yourselves with.

Kuwabara: W-what g-good is a w-weapon? E-everyone knows th-there are g-g-g-ghosts around here!!

Kurama: (hugs Puu tighter) Good gracious! Ghosts?

Hiei: Hah. Fairy tales. Don't be stupid.

--

(Kuwabara's face appears in a crystal ball. The Witch summons a Trace Eye and speaks to it, and they fly out. Camera zooms back into the party.)

--

Kuwabara: I do believe in ghosts. I do believe in ghosts. I do I do I do…

--

Karasu: (watching them and smirking evilly) Go to the Haunted Forest and bring me the redhead alive! I don't care what you do with the other fools, but I want that pretty little redhead alive and uninjured! And watch out for his pendant. Now fly, fly! Bring me that pendant. Fly, my pretties, fly, fly!!

--

Kurama: OH MY GOSH!! WHAT IS THAT THING!? IT'S SO DISGUSTING!! (pointing at a giant green bug)

Kuwabara: Eeew I hate bugs get it away get it away!!!

Hiei: Shut up, you fool. (He tries to attack the bug but his sword breaks) Gosh darn it…

Yusuke: (Looks over his shoulder) Uh, guys… I think we've got other things to worry about…

(Swarm of Trace Eyes approaches rapidly. All run)

Hiei: If only I still had my sword…

Kurama: Eep! (Stops short as their path is blocked by more. They're hemmed in on two sides. Trace Eyes cut Kurama off from the rest of the group. He runs, Puu flying behind)

Yusuke: Help! Gyyaaah someone help me!! They've somehow pulled me apart and now my body is blowing away!! (Eyes widen) Someone do something before one of them comes over here and sets me on fire!

Hiei: Do I have to do everything myself!? (Whacks the Trace Eyes with his broken sword and they explode in his face.) Ouch…

Kurama: Can't go this way either…Oh dear whatever shall we do?

Puu: Puuuu!!!

Kurama: Come on, there's a gap this way!! (Trace Eyes continue to herd him towards the castle)

--

Yusuke: OK…now that I'm all in one piece… wait, where did Kurama and Puu go? Oh no!!

Kuwabara: AUUGGHH!! (curls up into a little ball and cries)

Hiei: Shut up! Which way did he go, does anyone know?

(All shake their heads)

--

Karasu: (Holding the struggling Puu) What a cute little thing… (looks at Kurama, who is sitting on the floor panting) And you… what an unexpected surprise! How kind of you to come visit! (Puts Puu in a box)

Kurama: Give Puu back to me!

Karasu: All in good time, my pretty. All in good time. (Starts cackling)

Kurama: Oh, please give him back!

Karasu: (circles Kurama lecherously) Certainly… once you give me that pendant!

Kurama: Oh…. You evil old hag! Here take your stupid pendant and give me back Puu!

Karasu: That's a good little boy… (reaches for pendant) AH! (looks at his hands)

Kurama: Oh! I didn't do it! Can I please have Puu back?

Karasu: I forgot… that pendant will not come off as long as (grins wickedly) you're still alive!!

Kurama: Wh-what are you g-going to do? (shying away)

Karasu: What do you think? But the question is, how…

(Puu sticks his head out of the box)

Kurama: Fly, Puu!! Fly to safety!!

Karasu: What!? No!! (Watches in dismay as Puu flies away)

Kurama: (Sobs in relief) He got away! He got away!!

Karasu: Ooohh… drat you and your silly Spirit Beast! You've both been more trouble than it's worth…almost. But it will all be over soon!

--

Hiei: Hm? Do you hear that?

(In the distance) Puu: PUUUU Puuu-uu-uuu!!!

Kuwabara: Noo! It's another monster come to devour us!! (cowers)

Yusuke: No it's not! It's Puu! Where did he come from?

(Puu grabs Yusuke's finger and pulls)

Hiei: He's come to take us to Kurama! Let's go!


End file.
